How to cure a winter depression: Alfa Romeo 156 GTA

Here in Norway, the winter months can be quite heavy. Many are battling fatigue caused by the lack of sun, and a combination of extremely low temperatures and road salt kill almost every entertaining aspect of having an exotic sports car. Some drivers don´t make it through; they go off and buy boring cars for ‘all-year-purposes’, jamming the knife way deep in the heart of car enthusiasm. I don´t blame them. That´s why I had to take immediate action in order to prevent a similar breakdown. Luckily, I found a cure. It´s called Gran Turismo Alleggerita.

That´s what this is. An Alfa Romeo 156 GTA, Gran Turismo Alleggerita. Which doesn´t make any sense, really. The Gran Turismo-part is quite suitable for this car, even if it has a couple of doors too many. Alleggerita on the other hand, isn´t. It means ‘lightened’, and if there is one thing this car isn´t, it´s that. At 1415kg, this car is more than 100kg heavier than the rest of the 156 range. The true story is that GTA was the name of a very successful Alfa Romeo sports car based on the Giulia ‘Bertone’ Coupé in the sixties and early seventies. So when the bosses in Italy went shopping for a name to brand the most powerful Alfas to date, they didn´t have to look far. The fact that it really doesn´t fit the car was never an issue. But it could be named ‘Scrotum Pig’ for all I care, I would still love it.

Why do I love it? If the 156 GTA was a person, it would probably be in a mental institution. It´s not really meant for roads, at least not roads as we define them. Not that it´s uncivilized. It rides pretty well and the sound proofing is excellent. But even if it had all the doors lined with soundproof glass, you would still hear the insane engine. Or at least feel its vibrations. The 3,2-litre V6 is probably the most potent engine of its size ever created, churning out 250 delirious horses. The sound it makes is the sort that kids get nightmares from, and the way it expels the noise is as far from a family stationwagon as it gets. If you want to find out what creates that biblical sound, you need to open the bonnet. And, speaking of biblical, I´m pretty sure I can hear a choir of angels every time i lift the hood. I mean, just look at it.

Gloriously polished manifold pipes shining in the evening sun. Those illustrious three letters that provokes a slight tingle somewhere under the belt of every petrolhead. At this point even infants would agree that the 156 GTA is something out of the ordinary. The real difference between a regular 156 and the GTA, apart from the bodykit and engine, is inside. When opening the door you instantly feel the pull from one of Alfa Romeos best interiors ever - period. The seats look like something from another world. This specific car has got a tasteful combination of black and brown leather, highlighting the exotic dimensions and exquisite craftsmanship. The only thing that lets the interior down is the steering wheel, which looks just like the one found in other 156s. Having it replaced by a slimmer suede wheel is tempting, but it´s just a minor detail in what´s generally a superbly finished cockpit.

After spending a couple of hours in this mobile piece of contemporary art, I immediately felt better. There´s no doubt about it, this car is special. But ‘special’ doesn´t necessarily have to be a good thing. First of all, this is not an able winters car. It´s completely bollocks on anything but dry asphalt, being front-wheel driven and having no differential locking of any kind to harness those 250 horses. In the first three gears you really don´t get anywhere, you just hear the engine rev wildly and smell the front tires melting away. But then you enter a tunnel, which incitentally has dry asphalt inside. The GTA catapults away as the tires grip, leaving you screaming in tune with the engine noise. It´s utterly insane and the most fun you can have in a car in Oslo, mid-January. Luckily, the main roads are littered with tunnels. Just wind the windows down, listen to the noise of those wonderful six pipes and floor it. Bye bye psychologists bill.